Take Serious Things Seriously

This morning, my life flashed before my eyes. Well, it wasn't actually my eyes, it was the greyhound, who streaked past me through the open front door, and took off for whatever greyhound haven she was certain was right down the road.

I had gotten very spoiled with our previous grey, who would go out and 'play' greyhound a couple of times a day, run at a 45 degree angle to the ground as she careened sharply around the house once or twice, come back in, and sleep the rest of the day. And my own dog can wander off for hours, and always returns happy, smiling and tired (and yes, he is neutered, so it's not that type of smile, you dirty-minded reader you)..

Thankfully on this occasion, Dehlia only ran about thirty yards and then turned around and came right back. Whew!

I am getting that all-too-familiar tightness in my throat today. I'm helping to M.C. a church talent show tonight, have a piano to tune tomorrow as well as a dental appointment. Which is nothing compared to when I also was working full-time.

However, I am feeling just a tad guilty - I mean, I'm home full-time, animals instead of kids, with albeit slow Internet access and lots of projects which I am happily completing for the first time in seven years. And several people have offered me jobs - I just don't want to. Money is embarrassingly tight, considering the amount of money my husband brings in - credit card debt, county and state taxes doubled in one year, a kid in college and one kid who still needs financial assistance every month despite being on just about every state low-income program there is (and there are a lot here, thank goodness).

I've asked repeatedly for some financial advice from my bishop, who feels that this should be discussed with both of us - and if we can solve the communication problems, we can work this out together. HA! I think hell will freeze over first. I can understand some of my spouse's attitude - he is terrified he is going to be 'found out' and lose his job (incredibly low-self esteem - I mean, negative numbers in three digits), never will plan a budget, and simply blows up when the subject is introduced... therefore, he then doesn't to deal with, and I'm left holding the (symbolically) empty wallet and the not-paid bills.

Thanks - this is just an open-air journal, but it does help to write it down. Clears my mind... which actually is a pretty scary thought, because it's not carrying that much in it anyway!