THE ULTIMATE IN RUDENESS

I haven’t thought of myself as germ-aphobic. I deal with a lot of messes with horses and dogs and outdoor junk; I don’t normally have trouble shaking hands or hugging someone (although now I am making a point of NOT shaking with my right hand, only my left; the middle finger, which was ‘not broken’ according to the X-ray, still hurts like heck).

But my husband is coughing - a LOT - with off-and-on congestion (and actually an on-and-off cough; if he’s interested in something, he doesn’t cough at all). And I don’t think he realizes that I am washing my hands EVERY single time I touch him or he touches me - and I’m taking alcoholic wipes with reckless abandonment to everything he touches.

I don’t think it’s germs; it’s being told more than ONCE that I will not survive another bout of pneumonia. I probably will die of some respiratory complication (my lungs are a third of the size of a normal person’s, and I’m allergic to just about everything that could help when I do get pneumonia). While the idea doesn’t enthrall me (suffocation seems to be an extremely undignified way to die), I’ve come to terms with it.

But getting sick, and possibly dying, from simply being around someone bothers the heck out of me. It’s just rude, for one thing. I fully approve of my lap-horse (accidentally, of course) killing me some day by sitting in my lap. I am fine with jumping off the edge of the Grand Canyon and enjoying the 35 second drop - of course, I am terrified enough of heights that I don’t think I will ever get close enough to the edge to do anything so dramatic - and of course with it being carried live on NBC, CNN and two PBS channels in Phoenix.

The likelihood, of course, is that I will probably live another decade or two, and die when I accidentally trip over the power cord to my vacuum and fall into an open can of Diet Coke and drown. Another reason to stay away from cleaning and remain caffine-free (I’ve been clean over a week now, but man, is it tough to drive past MacDonald’s on my way into town and not get my Super-Size drink),

But, hey, I got a super grand-biggie Double Chocolate Frappacino deal at Starbucks today (although I always feel like I am doing something illegal; I mean, a Mormon ordering something at Starbucks? What if my bishop passes by? It is inside our Target) - so I am already going back to my 'evil' ways?

Okay, Diet Coke tomorrow! ;-)