WHOOPS!

I fell off my front porch today.

Wait a minute, that sounds much more dramatic than what actually happened. It’s just a little two-step brick thingie to get you from ground level up to the front door - which makes me guilty under the new hiring-illegal-immigration-you-get-in-trouble laws - it was put together by a Mexican dude, who didn’t speak a word of English - and was working for an American white guy from the company I had asked to do the job (who didn’t do one darn thing but stand around watching).

But I did fall, because I lost my balance ... and maybe because I was carrying two of those long refrigerator twelve-packs of Mountain Dew, and was using one of those to hit the handle and open the door. Yes! Blame the Mt. Dew! I like that.

And when I did feel myself losing my balance, I did attempt a slight version of the tuck-and-roll - which ended up my landing on my shoulder and my hip (yeah, the tuck worked, but at my age, rolling ain’t my thing anymore).

Okay, my shoulder and my big white ass. Which is good, because my bottom obviously had enough padding that my hip wasn’t more than bruised. I fell right on a big bank of the rounded small stones that surround the house (which keep all of our wonderful scrub brush from growing right next to the foundation), so it was hard enough that I did lay there for a moment and felt very sorry for myself.

Until my dog, who is always outside when I am, came rushing and doing the only thing he could do - starting licking my face. Which made me laugh, which then helped me get up and take care of the rest of the groceries.

It was great - when my husband got home, he actually felt kinda sorry for me.

Which didn’t stop him from having me driving to pick=up dinner (these great, huge hamburgers from a restaurant which just reopened about five miles from us - that makes TWO places that serve dinner within, what, twenty miles?). And me still doing the dishes. And taking care of the groceries.

Wait a minute, I guess he really didn’t feel too sorry for me. Should I make bleeding part of it next time?