NOT EASILY DISTRACTED

Watching "America's Got Talent" and trying to write something profound is simply impossible. Geeky strip-teasers, guys seven feet tall who put curly straws up their nose and drink milk, chunky pole-dancers - I hate to quote David Hasselhoff, but I agree with him - "When I am 80 years old and am on my death bed, I'm going to look back at this moment and realize I could have spent this time with someone I love."

And yet it's like a car wreck - it's impossible to not want to watch. It's both inspiring and horrible what people will do on stage in front of an audience and, even more shocking, huge television cameras as well as Jerry Springer.

I freely admit that I am a ham on stage. I simply don't have stage fright - I can make a completely ass of myself in front of almost any amount of anyone.

But I hope I have enough sense to realize that my amazing talents of belching in octaves (just as an example - I can do more than just that) may not be something that would prompt any normal human being to wish me unto the rest of the world.

But, hey, anyone wanna give me an audition now?