RESEARCH

The following facts have been scientifically proven:

1. A diet soda, drunk within 30 minutes, cancels out all chocolate calories.

2. Macaroni and cheese prepared for a child under ten years of age is a dairy product and helps fulfill your daily calcium requirement.

3. Any food item prepared for a birthday, wedding and/or anniversary celebration, as well as any food consumed at a church function and/or inside a church building, is all healthy food.

4. Food snuck into a movie theater has no calories. Food purchased at a movie theater has triple the normal amount.

5. Food eaten after 11:30 p.m. actually counts as your next day's breakfast, so if you skip breakfast the next day because you overslept, it's fine.

6. Any food drunk with a glass of milk is changed into calcium.

7. A multi-vitamin taken within an hour of a meal reduces the caloric count by one third.

8. Exercise, to include walking the dog, doing laundry, and watching more than one advertisement for Bowflex in the course of one day, stimulates your metabolism for the next two weeks.

9. Membership at a gym counts, as well as knowing the day and time of all the pilate's, yoga and/or kick-boxing classes you would like to go to but don't have the time.

And last but not least:

10. Belief in any or all of this will continue to contribute to the 10 (20,40,50...)+ lbs you are currently carrying on your hips.