IN PRINT

A section of a book I adore ("A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle - with a name like that, what could you possible become other than an author, mental-health therapist or breaking-edge artist?) hits very close to home with me:

"An ego that wants something from another... will usually play some kind of role to get its 'needs' met, be they material gain, a sense of power, superiority or specialness, or some kind of gratification....

"Attention in some form, such as recognition, praise, admiration, or just to be noticed in some way, to have its existence acknowledged....

"Whenever you feel superior or inferior to anyone, that is the ego in you."

And oh my goodness is that ever the case with me. With work in particular, I have always craved positive reinforcement. No, I think it goes beyond 'crave' - require, perhaps, or even demand. To remain professional, I have reverted to (psychologically, at least) patting myself on the back to just get that sense of praise.

And that's not healthy, I know.

But I also recognize this is one of the reasons I blog. I check MUCH more often that I should to see if, maybe, perhaps, someone just may of left a comment. I check on that silly map to your right to see who has even accidentally STUMBLED onto my blog while searching Google for "diabetic dog dainties" or misspelling 'hopeless.'

Man.

So tonight when the local newspaper managing editor called me this evening to 1) ascertain that I was the actual writer of the emailed letter-to-the-editor renouncing Bill Davis, director of the "Cochise County Militia", description of cowering individuals living on the Mexican border who supposedly "lay in bed at night" (his wording, not mine) " with their dogs barking, hearing strange noises outside, watching dark figures pass their bedroom windows."

And thereby, according to Mr. Davis, we need a militia of elderly, oxygen-tank-dragging volunteers from northern states (the people we locally call 'snow birds' since they regularly leave the snow-covered front lawns for our sunshine and relative warmth in February) to use binoculars and cool night-vision googles to 'assist' the regular, real Border Patrol - and just 'happen' to also be armed with rifles, handguns, pepper-gel spray and stun guns 'in case' they have any sort of confrontation with any drug smugglers...

Wait, was that just number 1?

And 2) the local newspaper will be PUBLISHING my letter-to-the-editor tomorrow.

So - did I write the letter to be published (i.e. RECOGNITION)? And now, oh no, now I am writing MORE about it in this blog for MORE recognition?!

I AM AN DEMANDING NARCISSISTIC EGOTISTICAL SELF-PROMOTER.

I need therapy.

Quick.