THE EARLY BIRD GETS... LESS SLEEP

Never make a doctor's appointment to be seen at 7:45 a.m.

You might think, well, there wouldn't be any wasted time in the waiting room, because you'll be the first patient seen. You'll just skate in and skate out.

Ha.

I already had to wake up at 4 a.m. to see my son off to college (since I drove up to Tucson when he came down, his dad had to drive him up today to catch the flight back).

And since I often sleep right through the nice CD player alarm I have (probably because it isn't the best idea to have something calm and soothing like Jim Brickman to wake you up), I thought, hey, let's use my CELL PHONE alarm. It's fairly loud, as every sound on my phone is (I'm partially deaf), so I was certain it would knock me out of slumber.

However, I did not really think it through, because for the alarm on my cell phone to work, you have to leave the phone ON.

So when one of your kids sweetly texts you a "Good Night, Mom!" at 1:02 a.m., IT WAKES YOU UP.

When a voice mail, left at 3:13 p.m. by your husband while he was at home and you were in town, finally comes wandering in after hanging in the cold air over Canada for almost twelve hours, IT WAKES YOU UP.

When your cell phone is programmed to 'beep' on the hour, IT WAKES YOU UP.

So going in to the doctor's at 7:45 a.m., after having... well, let's see, one hour and two minutes, plus two hours and eleven minutes, and then forty-seven minutes...

Well, let's just say it isn't worth it. Especially when it looks like both the doctor, his nurse, and the receptionist got every less sleep than you did.

Let's go get an extra-large Diet Coke and go take a nap. okay?