INFATUATION OR LOVE? AND WHO CARES?

I have lost my heart... once again.

I do have as a personal resolution to fall in love at least once a day.

Think about it - remember how you felt the last time you fell in love? How wonderful you felt, how beautiful the world became, how perfect the person you loved was? Colors were brighter, the songs on the radio became 'your' song(s), you felt so beautiful?

Well, why not feel that way all the time?

Now, I'm married, and very sold on monogamy (is that marriage to one person or a type of wood?), and I don't want to ever have a romantic relationship/ affair/ liaison with any other man... or woman, either, I guess, in today's progressive world.

But I can fall in love with the purple and yellow blossoms on the cactus right outside my front door - I can be infatuated with Starbucks Double-Chocolate Chip Frappuccino - I can dance around when I see the awesome reds, purples and oranges of the sunset behind the Huachuca Mountains.

Why not?

And this week I fell in love with a vacuum cleaner.

I have had a standard-run-of-the-mill-on-sale-at-Sears vacuum cleaner for years, but it is now demanding more and more attention, muscle to move around (is it getting heavier or am I simply getting weaker?)  and dirt- bags it's particular size which are becoming more and more difficult to locate at local stores (a sales technique, I know - wasn't it just a few days again that VHS was still 'the' thing?).

So I bought a new run-of-the-mill-on-sale-at-Target vacuum cleaner .

And promptly fell head over heels (which makes no sense as an expression - I mean, you are head over heels right now, aren't you?) with it's lighter weight, double the rpm or hertz or amps (whatever the correct term is) and easily-changed attachments that actually WORK.

Okay, so perhaps my expectations are small - but it is a great feeling.

MY SON, MY SON, WOULD GOD I HAD DIED FOR THEE, MY SON

My dog went to the vet's early this morning for some routine dental work.

And came home late late this evening unable to move his tongue or his back legs.

He's going to be fine - but he has had most of this teeth removed, he is still bleeding from one side of his mouth, and he is moaning with almost every breath he takes.

The feeling of deja vu for me is overwhelming.

When my daughter was six or seven, she had to have eight teeth removed surgically. And I could not convince her to take the pain medication when I brought her home - so in about two hours, she was in severe pain.

It's so difficult to see someone suffering when they have no concept of why they are in such agony.

And tonight, driving home with my dog's head in my lap, trying to comfort him and also drive a stick-shift for 21 miles, I had a spiritual insight.

This is what God feels like, most of the time.

He loves us, so completely, and continually sees us in pain, hurting, without any real idea of why we are suffering.

And He wants so much to tell us, "It's just for a moment! It's going to end really soon! It's going to be okay!" And He listens to us whimpering and moaning and wallowing, not understanding that the hurt is just temporary, it's going to leave, and we will gain something from it.

Murray will be pain-free from his teeth that have been hurting him for a long time. But he certainly doesn't understand that right now. And all my reassurances in the world aren't helping.

Heavenly Father, I'll try to be more patient next time when I am hurting, and attempt to trust You more.

MOM SHURTLIFF

My second mom passed away today.

My friend Annette and I first met in a 7th grade art class - we worked on a mural of Africa together, and she was, even then, an awesome artist. She did all the savanna animals - zebras, giraffes, elephants.

The rest of us colored the ground and the grasses. And I think one other person did the trees.

Annette and I were soon inseparable friends.

And her family completely stunned me. It was the first family I'd ever met that, well, liked each other - wanted to spend time together - did things together.

It was the first time I'd seen this in real life, other than just the facade that some families can put on in public.

But Mom Shurtliff was always the kick. She always had a laugh ready - she never, ever seemed to be completely serious about almost anything.

Which was especially endearing to me.

And no matter how many evenings, nights, days, weeks and MONTHS (and believe me, there were months) I was at her house, she was always happy to see me - always happy to FEED me - always happen to include me.

It was also great to see her relationship with her daughters. My own mother and I had a strained relationship, even at our best of times.

But Mom S. and her girls were... well, like friends. GOOD friends.

When my husband I were married in 1978 in the Provo temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Mom and Dad Shurtliff came up to be at the ceremony, since my own parents were not able to attend.

(Isn't this a pretty picture? We got married on May 6th - and it snowed.)

And I realize now why I have no photographs of Mom S. outside the temple or at the reception - she was dodging the camera.

The one and only photo I could locate was from Annette's graduation from BYU, with Annette, her at-the-time-fiance-and-now-husband, and Mom S... checking the camera for a photo she was taking (this was in the dark ages before digital cameras - you took a photo and didn't see the outcome sometimes for WEEKS).

Through the years, I would call Mom and Dad S. occasionally - once Mom was introduced to the internet, she was great at forwarding silly jokes - but really haven't seen either of them for years. I know Mom had a series of strokes, this last one incapacitating her for the last several months.

I am certain she is now free of her physical limitations, and I am certain I am going to see her again some day.

But today - today I am missing her, and wishing there was some better way to express how much I have loved her than babbling in this blog.

HEY STOP CHILDREN WHAT'S THAT SOUND

My husband forwarded me a column today regarding heterosexuals' violent response against gay rights/marriage/simply acknowledgement.

So this blog is asking, why the hostility?

Homosexuality may be a sin (or may not be, depending on your personal view), they may or may not be entitled to the legal binding of marriage, etc. etc. etc.

But why in the world do we have to get so worked up on it?

An extramarital sexual relationship (i.e. 'affair') is a sin, but when was the last time (okay, forget about John Edwards) people where publicly denounced for it?

Sexually and emotionally abusing a family member is firmly trounced, but why are there no news laws and/or legislation being introduced to stop it?

My grandson's kindergarten teacher may very well be a vegan, a Marxist and/or a lesbian - why should I care?

The profanity, the hurling of insults, the sheer volume of anger that seems to normally accompany any stand, regardless of which side, about homosexuality... how can this be kind of treatment towards another human being in any way be justified?

Christ's teachings can be narrowed down to loving God, loving yourself and loving your neighbor.

How can people defend such fury from either side?

I can understand if I was being forced to participate in activities I find offensive or sinful.

But I expect to be able to live as I chose in the privacy of my own home if I am not intentionally injuring another. And I respectfully must allow that same privilege for others, even if their sexual activities are foreign to me.

Children, can you try to play nicely together?