ITSY BITSY SPIDER

Phobias are horrible for the people who suffer from them.
But they are sure fun to giggle at... that is, if you do not happen to have that particular phobia.

We laugh at Howie Mandel and characters such as Monk dealing on-screen with his mysophia (irrational fear of germs). Nicole Kidman is a lepidopterphobe - she is terrified of butterflies. Rumor has it that Orlando Bloom is afraid of pigs (think of it - has he been cast in the remake of "Animal Farm" or "Babe"? Eh?) - and Woody Allen is scared of... well, everything.

A phobia is defined as "an anxiety disorder characterized by extreme and irrational fear of simple things or social situations." But where is the line drawn? Aren't there rational fears?

Researchers say that we are born with two 'natural' fears - loud noises and falling. The falling one makes sense - gravity works - but loud noises? Obviously that must be negated by adolescent hormones, since every generation seems to come up the loudest and most annoying music possible.

And a very common fear is arachnophobia - fear of spiders. They are creepy - they have eight legs, eight eyes, they don't have blood - I mean, they don't even have sex.

(But did you know arachibutyrophobia is fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth? Doesn't that make arachnophobia sound remarkably reasonable?)

The topic tonight came in the form of two spiders in my bed last night - three in the kitchen this afternoon - a one FALLING ON MY LEG WHILE I WAS SITTING ON THE TOILET TONIGHT.

No, I am not developing arachnophobia - I am developing arachnehomicidal, which is the refined ability to STOMP fiercely and lethally on spiders.


Who's with me on this?!