ITSY BITSY SPIDER PART TWO

I web-surf.

It's like encyclopedia hunts used to be back in the Dark Ages, when we actually have to go to places like LIBRARIES and had to look things up in BIG BOOKS with lots of NUMBERED PAGES - but then you would find one thing, which lead to something else, then something else, etc.

Except with the Internet it is a MILLION BILLION GAZILLION times faster - and so that much easier.

Yesterday I did uncover more than I needed for my blog, Itsy Bitsy Spider Part One - and I'm sorry, but I MUST share.

And I am NOT making this up - all of this is from http://www.wikihow.com/Kill-a-Venomous-Spider

This website is aimed to help arachnophobia, people who ALREADY have a huge fear of spiders. 

IDENTIFYING DANGEROUS SPIDERS:

-- Don't panic and run screaming into the other room; it is important to know where the spider is. (Oh my gosh - we are talking to people who are TERRIFIED of spiders)

-- If you are not afraid of spiders (wait a minute, the site is aimed at arachnophobiacs) , try and get a closer look at it, making sure not to get near enough (or directly under it) so that it can bite you. (like, DUH)

-- If it is a thick, hairy, strongly built spider and looks like it has camouflage (check for the lack of a violin shape on its back anyway, to be sure), it is probably a wolf spider, and is relatively harmless. Sometimes it bites and leaves a slight sting, but aside from that, wolf spiders can be safely left alone to deal with flies (and we all hate flies, right?). (I can't imagine looking that close, and I am not that frightened of spiders!)

-- A common mistake made in identifying the Black Widow is thinking it is a large spider. The largest ones are only about 5/8ths inch long (body length). (Great - it's venomous AND tiny so you CAN'T SEE IT COMING RIGHT AT YOU)

-- If the spider is brownish, and semi-skinny, look carefully on its back; if you see a darker brown streak that vaguely resembles a grotesquely stretched violin (let's use calm, rational adjectives here, friends), this spider is almost definitely a Brown Recluse. This spider is very venomous, and it is aggressive, and will bite if threatened. (Okay, let's NOT use calm rational adjectives - let's use ALARMING and FRIGHTENING words so everyone can freak out MORE)

--  Very large spiders more than 3 inches in length (about the width of a dollar bill just to be safe) if found in the United States actually are all relatively harmless. For example, the Giant House Spider can grow to an enormous size and will prevent the encroachment of more dangerous spiders.(Excuse me, I am going to run screaming into the night)

Now this next section is even MORE fun:

KILLING SPIDERS:

--  Take a deep breath, and pick up the closest object to you that is hard, flat and smooth (to make sure that the spider doesn't get in a crevice, depending on the size). (size of the crevice, or size of the SPIDER?!)

--  If the spider is on the ceiling, clear the floor directly underneath where the spider is. You can put something (like a large pan) under the spider in case it falls. (So get DIRECTLY UNDER the MOST HORRIFYING thing you can think of....)

--  Go back and get prepared for some fast acting! You will need to keep that hard flat object close by or in your hand as you are spraying the spot where the spider is.

--  Spray the spider for as long as it takes for it to be weighted down by the liquid. (Which is going to take what, HOURS?!)


-- If the spider is on the wall or floor, use the hard flat object to whack it where it stands, and be sure that it is squished, because spiders are sturdier than flies or roaches. (AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


--  If the spider is in its web, use a vacuum cleaner with a long nozzle to quickly suck the spider in. Let the vacuum run for a few seconds to make sure the spider is not still in the nozzle. (And have to LISTEN to the THUMP of the ENORMOUS arthropod BODY)


--  Avoid striking a venomous spider. Doing so may simply knock them to the floor, where they can easily escape. The spider may also fall onto your hand or another part of your body. It is far safer to kill the spider from a distance with a vacuum cleaner.


-- If the spider is venomous, be careful not to get bitten. 

Okay, I don't know about you, but I am going to go HIDE someplace inside a STERILE ENVIRONMENT for the REST OF MY LIFE.

ITSY BITSY SPIDER

Phobias are horrible for the people who suffer from them.
But they are sure fun to giggle at... that is, if you do not happen to have that particular phobia.

We laugh at Howie Mandel and characters such as Monk dealing on-screen with his mysophia (irrational fear of germs). Nicole Kidman is a lepidopterphobe - she is terrified of butterflies. Rumor has it that Orlando Bloom is afraid of pigs (think of it - has he been cast in the remake of "Animal Farm" or "Babe"? Eh?) - and Woody Allen is scared of... well, everything.

A phobia is defined as "an anxiety disorder characterized by extreme and irrational fear of simple things or social situations." But where is the line drawn? Aren't there rational fears?

Researchers say that we are born with two 'natural' fears - loud noises and falling. The falling one makes sense - gravity works - but loud noises? Obviously that must be negated by adolescent hormones, since every generation seems to come up the loudest and most annoying music possible.

And a very common fear is arachnophobia - fear of spiders. They are creepy - they have eight legs, eight eyes, they don't have blood - I mean, they don't even have sex.

(But did you know arachibutyrophobia is fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth? Doesn't that make arachnophobia sound remarkably reasonable?)

The topic tonight came in the form of two spiders in my bed last night - three in the kitchen this afternoon - a one FALLING ON MY LEG WHILE I WAS SITTING ON THE TOILET TONIGHT.

No, I am not developing arachnophobia - I am developing arachnehomicidal, which is the refined ability to STOMP fiercely and lethally on spiders.


Who's with me on this?!

FEAR IS THE MIND-KILLER

I do not consider myself a "fearful" person. I've jumped out of an airplane  - I live in a drug & people smuggling corridor - I worked in Baltimore for two years - I've been through a 6.8 earthquake - I had three teenagers at home at one time - I routinely encounter rattlesnakes and tarantulas - and I have a 16.1 hand horse who continually tries to crawl in my lap like a little puppy.

But last night I jumped and screamed like a little girl.


I turned down my bed comforter, and found a big spider just SITTING there.

Now I can courageously face the fact that there are multiple spiders, mice, flies, and 26 year- old young men who call my home their home. I may not like sharing, but I can put up with it. I can even accept that while I am asleep, I probably do regularly have spiders sharing my personal space.

But I just can't get my head around FINDING them while the lights are still on.

Somebody wanna come over tonight and spend the night?

LOST AND FOUND

I get nostalgic about odd things.

I find the distinct smell of a doctor's office extremely reassuring... probably because my mom worked for several physicians.


I honestly do love those horribly ugly 60's and 70's 'art-deco' buildings - those were new while I was growing up.

The feeling of your skin when you have gotten too much sun - the 'almost-burned-but-not-quite' tightness, almost tautness of your arms and face (admittedly, I am very lucky - I very rarely have had sunburns which actually hurt) from either being at the beach or the pool too long, and you are dehydrated in very way possible.

And I have been homesick for Hawaii for years and years... in fact, since December 1991, when I left last time.

So tonight watching "Lost" reruns and being fully aware that the Pacific Ocean (well, the water in Pearl Harbor, but that's close enough) was literally 50 yards away....


Ah. Back home again.