Tuesday, March 31, 2009


Last night I was (SURPRISE!) in the drive-thru line at Dairy Queen because I was feeling..
1) unappreciated,
2) sorry for myself, and
3) angry at my spouse.

Solution? ICE CREAM!

I was second-in-line, right behind a Big Wheels For Adults Super Jacked-Up-So-High-You-Can-Drive-Another-Car-Under It Big Truck.

Now, I must share something extremely personal.
I am a compulsive rear-view voyeur. When stopped at a light or in line, I casually watch the people behind me.
And much more often than I should, when I am driving at down the highway at 65 mph.

It began as a good driving technique - my dad taught me that being aware of who was behind me was as important as knowing what was in front of you -- and since he went 65 years accident-free...
Then it became just fun to watch what people are doing behind you.
To a SICK fixation to observe those who have no idea that they are being scrutinized by me.

I know, I know; someone, please tell me there is a twelve-step program out there for this, and send me the website address.

Anyway, yesterday behind me was (okay, I am being brutally honest here) was a white dude, wife-beater shirt, military crew-cut but a little bit too much weight to be active-duty... in a not-as-manly as the truck in front of me, but real close.

He and his wife were doing that irritating (and not just to rear-view watchers such as myself, but each and every one of s who has ever worked a drive-up window) drive up to the menu, stop, then stare straight ahead and not even GLANCE at the menu until the speaker squawks with "Whaddayawant?!"

And THEN, and only then, begin to look over the menu for four minutes before even beginning to come to a decision.

Come on, people, this is DAIRY QUEEN - it's ice cream or nothing - don't you know what you CAME here for ALREADY?!

So I am mentally beginning to catalog all the grating failings of this dude - unappetizing physical appearance, blank stare, obviously over active
testosterone glands judging by the amount of underarm hair in plain view....
HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE. The only real thing wrong with this guy is that I am in a bad mood. I am being critical and judgemental and MEAN.

And also a total hypocrite, since I am always furious when people are judging ME by my external (and obviously far from perfect) appearance.

So I stopped myself, and began listing the possible positive characteristics that this guy very well could have:

- He obviously loved his wife/girlfriend/significant other sitting next to him; he was getting her ice cream (always a smart move for any type of guy - if doubt, don't get her roses, get her ice cream)
- He was probably a great dad, and coached his son's Little League team, taught his daughter's karate class, and knitted gun cosies like Emerson Cod for his associated weapons.
- He possibly was dealing with the slowing down of construction, and was working a second job as a .... a wife-beater?

Okay, well, give me some credit, at least I tried.