Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Colds in the head should only occur when it is cold, rainy, and windy outside, when you can sit on the couch covered with fluffy blankets, drinking hot chocolate and watching old Meg Ryan videos. It should be illegal on a sunny, light breezey nice day to have snot running at random down your nose. Of course, then I would be in jail right now. I am trying to work my way through this - mind over nose - but to little effect as of yet. Hot chocolate when it is 89 degrees outside is somehow just morally wrong, but I am trying to slip it and not burn my already-severly chapped lips. Meg Ryan movie's can't be played during the day - daylight and her oft-guant face don't mix . And any blanket I have in the house will, guaranteed, have some cat hair on it (Pandora leaves nothing alone), and even when I don't have a cold I find that fairly replusive. I love the cat - just don't like bunches of his hair around me..
I think I'm going to go outside and shovel some more dirt; I've got a septic line repaired, and needs to be filled back in. Since nothing about the cold is working, I might as well work on my biceps.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


It's fasinating how seven people can read the exact same book, and still bring such a variety of views to the table. Our book club read "The Long Walk," a story of escape from a Russian concentration camp, and came up with incredibly positive moral values from the group of prisoners' ordeal.

However, it also made me wonder how different this same discussion would have been if we had been a bit more of a variety - men, younger people (our group ranges from about mid-30's to 70's), non-Americans, lower-income (we're also pretty much upper middle-class).

Sometimes I think it would be a much greater experience if we had more of a variety - and sometimes it's simply nice to agree. The older I become, the more accustomed I become to associating with my 'regular' crowd. I argue to no end with my husband, but I also have come to expect nothing by 'we're going to disagree no matter what' between us.

Laziness? Yes, I agree.

Sunday, September 23, 2007


Actual song of Johnny Cash's - really!

Spending 14 hours straight with six other women today was FANTASTIC. Just what I needed. Lighthearted banter - lots of cheerfulness and laughter - learning all sorts of trivia regarding each other. I only knew two others fairly well - now I feel like a sisterly bond with the other four.

Also did my normal making great friendships in the hallways and waiting in line. When the rest of the gang would catch up (or I would catch up to them), they'd ask, "How long have you been friends with this person?" and I could look at my watch and say, "About 45 seconds." I LOVE bonding with people - if nothing else, I give them a reason to smile, and that's all I really want.

Ridiculous note: why is it when I leave for the day/week/month that suddenly the horse/ dog/cat are immediately 'close to death' 'won't eat' 'is listness/'exhausted" or has a high LDL level?! Today it was Sally 'not eating a single bite of hay' - and of course, when I get home @ 11:30 p.m., she cheerfully eats the offered carrots and goes on to chase the colt away from getting his!

Oh, well, I'm just extremely grateful that I don't let things like that spoil my day - I am more and more convinced that worrying is a complete waste of my hard-earned time.

Friday, September 21, 2007

It was wonderful to have a half-moon to put Najale back in his pasture by tonight. Doesn't that sound like something from the Misty books I devoured as a child? Some things in my life are just out a dream - some things are poorly orchestrated nightmares. However, I am the director in how I perceive things - and rose-colored glasses and happy colors can brighter up even the scary scenes.
Today I just feel like I need a vacation from my directing and editing responsibilities. I can relax when I'm home alone - I can relax with all three of my kids - I can relax around my animals! But almost every evenings, I put on my ballet slippers and pirouette uncomfortably, with extremely stiff legs, feeling a lead weight in my stomach.
Again, some days it's fine, and I can dance easily, light as a feather. Today has been a chore.
Isn't it interesting how particular days everyone seems to be having a bad day along with you? It may be the influence of the mood - I know someone who would insist that it's because terrorists have already infiltrated the atmosphere with 'nasty day' gases - it may just all of us as human beings reacting to something we can't see or feel.
I wonder how many battles/conflicts/wars have begun because two people were just having a bad day.


I have had a less-than-perfect day, and 99% of that inperfection has been manufactured by my thinking. I have to deal with more than one depressed person, and some days it is, well, depressing. Mornings are almost always very cheerful times for me (well, if I get my normal 9-10 hours of drugged sleep), but about this time of day, my stomach begins to churn just because of negative apprehension.My MOST depressed person will come home, exhausted and 'in an office mood' which means mainly that I need to leave him alone for an hour or so - and then the rest of the evening is tip-toeing verbally so nothing can be interpretted (sp?) as a threat /criticism / looking-for-a-fight.
SO when I get a reminder email about driving to Phoenix tomorrow - my first thought is, oh, no, not a four hour drive, a four hour stay, and then four hours back.
It took a little bit of time (I'm slow, I know it) to sink in that this will be four hours up with cheerful, happy group of women. It will be at least a meal together up there - with the same happy group. (I'll probably sleep on the way home). And I NEED that (the positive people, not the sleep) more than anything.
I think Heavenly Father slaps his head a lot at our stupidity - I, at least, expected someone cheerful and happy to simply show up outside my door.
We learn from our mistakes.... at least I do again.... and then again.... and then the same mistake AGAIN.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Available for Educational Purposes Only

Late-night ramblings mingled with personal affirmations and Psychology 101, Murray wisdom, and interrupted by Pandora demanding attention. If I can get Harmony to chuckle, then my purpose is complete.

BUT WHILE I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION.... it's been an interesting afternoon. I don't trust ANYthing on the internet and/or my computer being confidential, so I may pass on this info only verbally via trusted sources - and even then, I don't completely trust THAT source. One of the difficulties with living with a paranoid indivual is that after you are TOLD many times that "you can be read... no matter what you do to prevent it!", you almost come to believe it.

And I have to keep re-discovering that your own happiness can only come from within. Circumstances don't change, no knight on a white horse comes along to rescue you - happiness IS a decision (of course, anti-depressents may be a necessary factor also).