Tuesday, July 20, 2010


I web-surf.

It's like encyclopedia hunts used to be back in the Dark Ages, when we actually have to go to places like LIBRARIES and had to look things up in BIG BOOKS with lots of NUMBERED PAGES - but then you would find one thing, which lead to something else, then something else, etc.

Except with the Internet it is a MILLION BILLION GAZILLION times faster - and so that much easier.

Yesterday I did uncover more than I needed for my blog, Itsy Bitsy Spider Part One - and I'm sorry, but I MUST share.

And I am NOT making this up - all of this is from http://www.wikihow.com/Kill-a-Venomous-Spider

This website is aimed to help arachnophobia, people who ALREADY have a huge fear of spiders. 


-- Don't panic and run screaming into the other room; it is important to know where the spider is. (Oh my gosh - we are talking to people who are TERRIFIED of spiders)

-- If you are not afraid of spiders (wait a minute, the site is aimed at arachnophobiacs) , try and get a closer look at it, making sure not to get near enough (or directly under it) so that it can bite you. (like, DUH)

-- If it is a thick, hairy, strongly built spider and looks like it has camouflage (check for the lack of a violin shape on its back anyway, to be sure), it is probably a wolf spider, and is relatively harmless. Sometimes it bites and leaves a slight sting, but aside from that, wolf spiders can be safely left alone to deal with flies (and we all hate flies, right?). (I can't imagine looking that close, and I am not that frightened of spiders!)

-- A common mistake made in identifying the Black Widow is thinking it is a large spider. The largest ones are only about 5/8ths inch long (body length). (Great - it's venomous AND tiny so you CAN'T SEE IT COMING RIGHT AT YOU)

-- If the spider is brownish, and semi-skinny, look carefully on its back; if you see a darker brown streak that vaguely resembles a grotesquely stretched violin (let's use calm, rational adjectives here, friends), this spider is almost definitely a Brown Recluse. This spider is very venomous, and it is aggressive, and will bite if threatened. (Okay, let's NOT use calm rational adjectives - let's use ALARMING and FRIGHTENING words so everyone can freak out MORE)

--  Very large spiders more than 3 inches in length (about the width of a dollar bill just to be safe) if found in the United States actually are all relatively harmless. For example, the Giant House Spider can grow to an enormous size and will prevent the encroachment of more dangerous spiders.(Excuse me, I am going to run screaming into the night)

Now this next section is even MORE fun:


--  Take a deep breath, and pick up the closest object to you that is hard, flat and smooth (to make sure that the spider doesn't get in a crevice, depending on the size). (size of the crevice, or size of the SPIDER?!)

--  If the spider is on the ceiling, clear the floor directly underneath where the spider is. You can put something (like a large pan) under the spider in case it falls. (So get DIRECTLY UNDER the MOST HORRIFYING thing you can think of....)

--  Go back and get prepared for some fast acting! You will need to keep that hard flat object close by or in your hand as you are spraying the spot where the spider is.

--  Spray the spider for as long as it takes for it to be weighted down by the liquid. (Which is going to take what, HOURS?!)

-- If the spider is on the wall or floor, use the hard flat object to whack it where it stands, and be sure that it is squished, because spiders are sturdier than flies or roaches. (AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

--  If the spider is in its web, use a vacuum cleaner with a long nozzle to quickly suck the spider in. Let the vacuum run for a few seconds to make sure the spider is not still in the nozzle. (And have to LISTEN to the THUMP of the ENORMOUS arthropod BODY)

--  Avoid striking a venomous spider. Doing so may simply knock them to the floor, where they can easily escape. The spider may also fall onto your hand or another part of your body. It is far safer to kill the spider from a distance with a vacuum cleaner.

-- If the spider is venomous, be careful not to get bitten

Okay, I don't know about you, but I am going to go HIDE someplace inside a STERILE ENVIRONMENT for the REST OF MY LIFE.