Saturday, April 4, 2009

I got to wait HOW long?!?

There is an annoying commercial that had been driving me NUTS ever since I saw it about a month ago.

Although I am beginning to wonder if I imagined it - I can't find a video of it on YouTube, so maybe it doesn't really exist in this particular time-dimension....

This is about a guy who is all upset because of 'irregularity' - not having 'regular movements' - needing to 'improve your digestion' - you know what it's referring to.

(Completely random thought - why is it okay for the word 'penis' to be on television, but somehow 'bowel movement' is not appropriate? Anyone wanna tell me?)

So this middle-aged American white guy (yeah, let's typecast this dude, okay?) is distraught because, and I quote, he "can't wait seven days!" for the 'other' form of relief (yogurt? drinking water? regular exercise? fiber?) for his... well, his "problem."

So he HAS to have the whatever-the-immediate-relief-thing is.

But this is the phrase in the commercial that just kills me - "I can't wait seven days."

So I just gotta find this fellow and ask him, "So where are you gonna be in seven days?"

It's like when people, when talking about going back to college, say, "But man, I'll be forty by the time I graduate!"

So you aren't going to be forty if you don't go back to school?

If you are forced to take a 'shorter' remedy for your digestive tract problem, than you are restricted from taking a 'longer', perhaps better one, that may take - GASP! - SEVEN DAYS!?

We, as Americans, are such an immediate gratification freaks.


I must admit something.

I had a skin biopsy two weeks ago.

And didn't find out the results until yesterday, after 17 days of waiting.

It was just a place on my shoulder that never healed up; sort of like an open scrape. And if two family members hadn't already been diagnosed with skin cancer, I probably wouldn't have done anything about it for quite a while.

But once the "c" word is out there, it's just what comes back the next time you have, say, a sore - an ache in your side - trouble breathing - etc. etc. etc.

I'm okay - I've got what is called "actinic keratosis" (which sounds like it should be some sort of adorable disorder toddlers develop from drinking kerosene, doesn't it), which is the most common precancerous growth - and only about 5% develop into actual skin cancer.

But boy, did I want that 'immediate' report. Right then.


Lisa said...

Glad you finally got those results!! Sorry no comments lately- our computer was not behaving.

Jen said...

Hooray for good test results! If there's one thing I've learned from you & Harmony, it's to be super crazy suspicious of any skin wierdness!

And check out this video- it totally goes with your post!

Sailing Past Maturity Straight into Senility said...

Jen, thanks for that youtube link - that is perfect.