Sunday, August 30, 2009


There are some things I know for absolute certain WILL happen over the next 23 days while I am at Harmony's:

- The cat, after being ignored for three days, will resort to extortion and bribe the dogs into breaking the windows open for his escape.

- Plates and bowls will be taken out of the sink and rinsed in lukewarm water individually as needed. Silverware will be used without any such precaution.

- Every load in the dryer will take just a little bit longer each day because the concept of cleaning out the lint filter will never occur to anyone regardless of the large red sign which I posted this evening instructing everyone to clear before each load.

- The lights in the family room will be left on 24/7, and the two bulbs which will burn out in the process will not be replaced.

And there are some things I know for absolute certain will NOT happen over the next 23 days.

- The carpet will not be vacuumed. The floor will have pizza boxes that did not quite make it to the garbage can, dog and cat hair will be measured in inches of depth, and any animal 'accident' will simply be scrubbed into the fiber.

- The cat's litter box will not be changed until the cat begins his protest by pooping in the middle of the living room and marching with place cards.

- Anything that is spilt - on the floor, on the counter, in the fridge - will not be disturbed and will remain preserved in a manner suitable for either a scientific lab or the Smithsonian of Natural History (in particular, I am thinking of the exhibit of fossilized feces from the Mesopotamia Era).

And on the 24th day, the house will be frantically vacuumed, dishwasher loaded and run for the first time, furniture moved to cover the major stains and all five animals bribed to testify that they have not been mistreated or ignored.