THE POLITICAL IMPLICATIONS OF CHILDREN'S TELEVISION PROGRAMMING

I am not making this up - this was posted on Facebook today:


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#1 We tried to watch Yo Gabba Gabba the other day b/c I have heard you mention it. It was insane, and very liberal. They were pushing "Clean" propaganda in lieu of the now less popular "green" agenda.


#2 i have to say i've never noticed it being overly liberal. the particular episode was a bit over the top (we saw it too) but most of them aren't like that.


#3 That's a relief! I guess I caught the wrong episode. 　

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Yes, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL

This seems to happen to all of us at different times in our lives

You notice, just out of the corner of your eye a shopping cart beginning to run down the slope... and then you realize it is YOUR shopping cart full of $235 worth of your family's meals.

You see a group of kids climbing to a dangerous height in the local oak tree... and then you recognize that the child serving as the ringleader and highest climber is YOURS.

Your nose wrinkles as you smell something disgusting... and then become conscious that it is emanating from YOUR baby like evil death rays from an alien's weapon.

Tonight I had one of those experience.

I saw a beautiful black and white horse galloping wild and free across an open field.

Unfortunately, it was MY horse, completely out of control, racing about a half mile away in the opposite direction.

Both horses have been reasonably well-behaved walking a ways down the road with me and then grazing for a half hour on the sparse growth that exploded out of our sand from the latest 0.000035 inch downpour of moisture (in other words, completely symbolic rain that still encourages what plant-life we have to germinate - it's an Arizonan thing).

So I felt comfortable about taking them out right after sunset in the falling light to munch a little bit of greenery.

Silly me.

My horse, Najale, suddenly decided about half-way to our regular grazing point, that he needed to go on a little field trip.

All by himself.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with horses, control of a 800+ lb. animal is 98% mental.

You have to convince them that:

1) you are smarter,

2) you are the one who makes all decisions in the relationship, and

3) you are in control of every single situation.

(Hmm... sounds depressingly like the husband-role in the 50's)

Unfortunately, my horse occasionally doesn't think my controlling decisions are very smart, and once he jerks control out of my hand (the lead rope attached to his halter), there really isn't much I can do.

Thankfully, he has always come back... eventually.

And he did tonight... after galloping around two neighbors' houses, getting one other local horse into hysterics trying to join him, and driving the mare (who I was now somewhat desperately holding onto) into a whinnying frenzy trying to join him.

At least my neighbors got a nice show to watch this evening.

SNIPS OF SNAILS AND PUPPY DOG TAILS

Men, boys, or anyone of the male persuasion, please stop reading right now.

No, I mean it. Stop. You are going to get your tender feelings hurt if you keep reading.

Okay - but I warned you.

Get your hankies out then, dudes.

WHEN A WOMAN CLEANS THE KITCHEN AFTER DINNER:

- She unloads the dishwasher and takes care of the clean dishes.

- She scrapes, rinses, and places all plates, glasses, silverware in an orderly fashion that will ensure a thoroughly complete washing by the machine.

- She runs the garbage disposal to ensure no back-up when the machine runs.

- She fills the machine with detergent, sets it on the proper cycle for the load, and begins it.

- She washes by hand as necessary any large pots, pans and lids that cannot fit in the washing machine.

- She dries and puts away the aforementioned pots, pans and lids.

- She wipes down the stove, the counters, the kitchen island.

- She sweeps the floor, and wipes up any spills.

- She empties the trash, and takes it out to the container in the garage or on the street..


WHEN A MAN CLEANS THE KITCHEN AFTER DINNER:

- He sticks as many dishes as will fit, regardless of what is already in the dishwasher or if they are possible already washed, higgly-piggedly on top of each other.

- He leaves any large pots, pans and lids that do not fit on the counter or the stove.



- He doesn't even think about running the garbage disposal, checking the dishwasher settings, or taking out the overflowing trash.



- And if having a really good day, begins the dishwasher.



What prompted this sexist post?

It wasn't even washing the dishes.

My husband, bless his sweet little heart, browned the hamburger for our sloppy joes while I was driving home from the doctor's appointment yesterday.

And when I, the female in the house, did the dishes that night, I didn't understand why the skillet was so incredibly encrusted and difficult to clean.

Then I realized something.

He had obviously browned the hamburger and stirred it... maybe twice in the entire process. Burning the pan.

Why are men so difficult... nay, impossible to house-train?

MY HERO

My son and I were watching "The Incredibles" last night (since we couldn't agree on any other show), and we agree there should be more superheros.

We just differ on the type of superhero we think we need.

My son would like super warriors, leaping tall buildings and shooting weapons, accompanied by well-endowed yet muscular female cohort (well, he didn't actually say that, but since he's a fairly normal young man....).

I want a masseuse super-hero - one that shows up right when you realize your back is sore, but long before it's sore enough that you realize you are taking far more than the daily-recommended-allowance of extra-strength Tylenol. (and yeah, I do like the look of this guy).

My daughter would assign me a personal-shopper super-hero - one that can purchase clothes that I look good in, in the correct size and color, deliver them to me and (most important of all) remind me when it would be my best clothing choice.

I am so anti-style that if left to my own devices, I'd wear my jeans, an old t-shirt and my boots anywhere - including church.

And I need someone around who will monitor my diet 24/7, to offer me oranges and cored apples to lead me away from the mass of chocolate I devour hourly, serve me tall glasses of Crystal Light with ice and mint juleps to keep me away from my Dr. Peppers and Diet Cokes.

Of course, this last super hero would have to be invisible, silent, and able to withstand all my crankiness about not getting what I originally wanted.

So, what super hero would you create just for yourself?