AUTHOR OR ANNOYANCE?

I have always loved writing, but I think it is mainly because I do so badly at articulating my thoughts.

Although that has never stopped me from expressing my opinion, I must admit.

The only reason this blog has had over 600 entries (wow, 600... isn't that just a little bit scary?) is because I can pound out one random bit of lunacy and easily follow it up with 527 more words.

Wow - that's even more frightening.

Anyway, we have one little local paper for our county. Our whole county, which is slightly larger than the state of Delaware.


And I live in Arizona, which is the state that elected Barry Goldwater and John McCain (although it also carried Bill Clinton in 1996 - funny, eh?) - yes, you can call us red.

So the majority of public opinion expressed around here is a little bit right of center of right... on the right-handed side on that. And then even more a little bit to the right.


But only occasionally does something written in the newspaper make my make-your-opinion-known-through-a-letter-to-the-editor twitch and spasm.

Tonight was one of those, however.

And although it is certainly due to the small population which this particular newspaper reaches, my letters always seem to get published.


Does that count as being a published author? I mean, this letter and the classified ad I placed for my cat together - do you think I can add that to my resume now?

CONFESSIONS OF A RECKLESS DRIVER

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been, well, about 38 years since I last attended confession - one of my best friends in fourth and fifth grade was Catholic. And I just loved all the candles, and the Mass - the Latin was so pretty, this was back when Mass was just in Latin, not in English...

Oh... wait, what? Oh, my confession. Well, okay, this it.

Driver’s education was, for me, an exercise in pure boredom. I had been driving for several years already, and while a few of the legalities were new to me (why is passing on the right illegal when sometimes it's the only way to get around an idiot driver?), most of it was fairly old hat.

Oh, no, that's not my sin.

Somehow the one rule that amazed, stunned and remained with me was FLASHING RED LIGHTS ON A SCHOOL BUS. I never rode a school bus actually to school, just for field trips. And growing up, I never once remember seeing a bus have the whole flashing red lights thing going on.

But where I live now, there is only one two-lane highway connecting Sierra Vista with Palominas, Hereford and Bisbee. So I see school buses with red flashing lights ALL THE TIME.

And traffic obediently slows down, stops, and patiently waits until the flashing red lights are turned off and the school begins to drive again.

But today. Oh, today, Father, I have sinned.

I'm in Hawaii, which exists on an entirely difference universe of aloha shirts for business wear, muumuus for church wear, leis for any reason at all, and people always riding in the back of pickup trucks.

And generally you can spot the Mainland drivers anywhere - they are the ones flying through, rapidly changing lanes, hitting all the open spots and then just as rapidly slamming on their brakes when everything on the highways comes to an abrupt halt.

Otherwise, most local drivers are doing the speed limit; they know they'll get where they are going, so why rush to get there early?
Yes, Father, I'm getting to that.
But as I pull out of the local shopping area (everything to sustain life; a grocery store, a pharmacy, ice cream, Starbucks, dry cleaning and Blockbuster) onto the main thoroughfare, there is a bus WITH RED FLASHING LIGHTS ON.

Without even any conscience thought, I hit my brakes and come to a complete stop.

Now, granted, this thoroughfare is 'divided', but this school bus is definitely on MY side, it has SCHOOL CHILDREN getting off of it, and THE RED FLASHING LIGHTS ARE ON.

But I am the only car stopping. Everyone else is just cruising by, most about forty miles over the speed limit.

And Father, I let myself be swayed by the dark side of the force, and I DROVE BY THE BUS WITH THE RED FLASHING LIGHTS ON.

What should my penance be? Serve as a school crossing guard for the rest of my life? Go into epileptic spasms every time I see a red flashing light?

Wait a minute, you mean I have to TO DRIVE A SCHOOL BUS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?!?

Forget it, Father. Just send me straight to hell. That'll be easier.