HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

My oldest child turns 29 years old today, which means 29 years ago today I was trying to figure out why my huge stomach was tightening every 20 minutes.

Birthdays are cute when you are little, fun when you're a little bit older, become meaningful as you reach certain societal landmarks, sobering as you approach adulthood, and perhaps, if you let them, a bit emotional as you get older and older.

I love the way that hobbits' birthday celebrations are described by JRR Tolkein; presents are given away by the celebrant. not the guests, and presents can be given again and again (early efforts in recycling, I assume). Presents are nice, but I don't like giving (or receiving) meaningless ones. My husband used to get me flowers and something 'nice' (i.e. something I would never wear and which would already have it's tags all removed so I couldn't return it) until I finally convinced him that I was never going to insulted by cash.

So - what did you do for your last birthday?

VOTE NOW!

There was an extremely bad pop song back in the 70's - "torn between two lovers," with a young female singer deciding between two guys (forget any moral or female power-figure relevance, it was just BAD).

It's easy to choose between one very good and another horrible situation, but not when the running is close. I can't believe I am going to mention this, but in "America's Got Talent," the contestants have been narrowed down to actually all pretty good performers, and it is more difficult to choose who I/you/us would like to win (although I have not stooped low enough to call 866-223-0110 to make my vote count... give me another week).

Actually, my son-in-law and I have been watching it together, and it is a lot of fun to argue about whether the opera singer is better than the flaming baton twirler (my money is on the batons) instead of Kurds in Afghanistan. It's a fun distraction, an escape from the presidential race and makes us feel good about doing something for the environment simply through watching commercials that talk about doing something for the environment ("No action on your part is necessary, you are reducing green-house emissions simply by sitting there on your fat ass watching this expensive commercial!").

But I am faced with a little bit of a heavy decision right now. On one hand, I have two incredible grandchildren to play with, I am in Hawaii, I have access (most of the time) to a RAPID Internet access as well as a car, and have been promised an opening night party for the session premiere of "The Office."

On the other hand, I have a eight+ hour flight back, a six-hour drive home, a clinically depressed spouse, an obese and argumentative ("no, I'm not arguing!") offspring - as well, on the positive side, two horses, one dog and one cat that I seriously love, Arizona lack-of-humidity, my own bed, own bathroom, and ESPECIALLY my own tub, my "The Office" DVDs as well as my own computer (although with the slowest Internet access in the continental United States).

So cast your votes now! Call 1-520-226-6074, and YOU decide what will be Hope's decision! Call NOW - operators are standing by!

THE SPIRIT OF ALOHA

Large cities, in the United States at least, do not just bustle and/or buzz with activity. Rather, envision the screeching agony of locked brakes heading straight into a brick wall. Nothing sedate, pastoral or comforting - instead, Imax images of huge pieces of random metals bashing off each other with profane expletives, suicidal driving techniques, and obscene volume.

I have become accustomed to the quiet pace of rural southern Arizona where, discounting the numerous Border Patrol helicopters chasing illegals. I can hear the birds sing, my spoiled horse whinny for attention, and the neighbor's lonely dog's pitiful yelp. At night you can listen to coyotes howl (or at least pretend that the abandoned wild dog packs are coyotes), see the owls and bats whisper through the darkness (and pray you don't get pooped on from the sky - a much scarier experience in total dark), and watch the moon rise over the San Pedro Valley.

And while Oahu, I freely admit, has grown in numbers, highways, and tourist traps, I feel is still brightened by the smiles of the drive-through lady at the local McDonald's (true, she does see me at least daily - and I am accustomed to my own Joy's scowl when I go through back home), the cashier's cheerful 'aloha!' and the driver who waves 'shaka' out of his window instead of the middle finger of his left hand when you let him into traffic.

There are the frantic drivers, firmly convinced that civilized life on the planet will end if they don't get to the next red stop light ahead of the driver next to them - the parents with three kids in car seats grazing your rear bumper at 65 mph - and (my personal favorite) the lane-jumpers weaving in and out of rush-hour traffic who end up behind when you exit. And I feel confidently racist when I note that the grand majority of these types here in Honolulu are Caucasians - what is called, and not always complimentary, on the islands as 'haole.'

So (back to the main point that I was trying to get to way back at the beginning of this post for those of you who might still be reading this... wait a minute, what is the point I was trying to make?) while Honolulu is becoming more like a big city... it still isn't.

And this shows what happens when you hard at work with a blog entry and your two-year old granddaughter comes downstairs and wants your FULL attention - later, gator!

LOST AT SEA

Sunset on a beach on Oahu. And not just any beach. This is a artificial, man-made cove that is perfect - perfect sand consistency, perfect amount of scattered shells, perfectly constructed rock/wave breakers... and on this particular evening, a perfect sunset with even the green flash.

Imagine Walt Disney constructing a personal beach for J.W. Marriott - manicured lawn right up to the sand, precise number of rustic looking shady-retreats (but all made from secure artificial plastics), and just enough controlled ocean to either wade or actually swim in.

But the one thing that was completely OUT of control at this little spot of man-made wonder was the ocean. There was a pretty nasty undertow even just a few feet out, and no lifeguards.

Kate, my granddaughter, decided right after sunset that this would be a good time to swim to Maui. And I, in my innocence, caught up with her and took hold of her hand, thinking this would suffice.

HA!

Instead of frolicking in the gently lapping edge of water, hand-in-hand with a two year old girl, I was DRAGGED into the waves almost to my waist, and felt Kate almost immediately being pulled out by the current.

Now, I did consider Kate's life a priority in this situation, but I must admit I was concerned about 1) my newish cell-phone (not guaranteed to be salt-water resistant) in my front pocket, and selfishly 2) my own safety since Kate was completely unfazed by any of this.

I ended up hauling Kate (and myself) out of the waves, completely soaked, and convinced her that sitting right on the water's edge and throwing wet sand at Grandma Hope was as much fun.

Remind me to wear my snorkeling gear next time we go.

ACCEPTANCE

Our personal little realities are confusing. We don't see things as they are, we see things as WE see them. What to one person is the random giggle of a passerby to another is someone making fun of them. An individual sees a room full of people staring at them - a person in the room isn't even aware of their presence. You can witness a beautiful sunset - or worry about cleaning the glass.

My husband and I argued for years about 'different' realities until I finally understood that 'his' reality was the only one he could be aware of. Mean people live in a mean world - suspicious people will always have great reasoning for their distrusts and paranoia - loving, caring people live in a happy world.

I came across this quote from (reputably from the Dali Lama - "The whole purpose of our life is to be happy." And to me most of that happiness comes from NOT concentrating on ME, but on YOU (i.e. the world at large). Not worrying about how silly/stupid/fat/ugly I might appear, but realizing how I can help all other other people who are scared silly about those exact same things.

When you are depressed, cheer someone else up. When you feel unappreciated, give out compliments. When you feel like just moping around, help someone out.

I need to get my big fat butt in gear. I am missing my writing horribly, but I have access to a laptop. I am eating and sleeping way too much, but there is an elliptical trainer upstairs and perfect weather outside. And I have the option of limiting contact with life-sucking depressed slippery eels... or, even better, can change my attitude towards aforementioned depleting life forms.

PRESS FORWARD.

KEEPING YOUR OWN HOUSE

Today was one of those days. My two major depressed family members were, guess what - majorly depressed.

I grew up dealing with a suicidal parent - keeping the peace, not rocking the boat, providing solutions, doing whatever it took - I was doing that from infancy, I feel. It's extremely difficult even now to let someone experience their own consequences, to not step in and take over the problem(s).

So I keep repeating to myself - "I am not responsible for any one else's mood or happiness except myself."