KNITTING HANDGUN COSIES

Have you ever pointed out a well-behaved child to your child, and said, "See how good that kid is being?! Why can't you be like that?!" And I can almost guarantee you that you have noticed a misbehaving kid in public and have not mentioned to your child, "Thank goodness you aren't like that!" (somehow we think they might learn something terrible if we point out that they aren't doing badly).

I remind myself frequently that one particular child of me is NOT on cocaine, is not pregnant, is not living on the street. She is working, walking, talking, texting (which, with our own relationship, avoids a whole lot of arguing) and trying. I really have nothing to complain about.

But, compared to my two other kids (both of them marvelous albeit very different adults), this one takes up a whole of my time, and more importantly to me, a whole lot of ENERGY. Which is completely within my control, I understand (and this will have to be a completely separate blog... or a new book... hmmm....).

ANYway, this blog began to brag about my well-behaved DOG - I'm not certain where I left that, or why, but I will now get back on track.

I took my dog to the vet's early early early Monday morning to find out why he was scratching half of his fur off. Actually, I am a good enough dog owner that I did know why he was scraping off his skin - with inflamed, red skin, so probably an allergic reaction to something - and I evenknew that before I went on the Internet. But I also do not feel comfortable giving him prescription drugs (well, except for the Vicodin we share, I mean). And since it was the 'walk-in' clinic time, we ended up sitting for quite a while.

Most dogs react very predictably when they go to the vets - much like most of us try NOT to react like when we have to go to the dentist for a root canal or the doctor for a prostrate exam (which I could also write an entire blog about - men are such BABIES). They (back to the dogs, not the baby men) whine (well, we as humans do that also, don't we), turn and try to run away (re-scheduling?), and then panic and cry and pull on their leashes in the waiting room (whereas WE read old issues of "People" and "National Geographic" and try not to look at our watch as the time creeps by).

However, MY dog was the one every other owner was pointing to, saying "See!? Why can't you be good like that dog is being?"

Now, you may have asked yourself, "so where the hell does that title have to do with anything about kids and dogs?" IT DOESN'T. It's just one of the things the detective knits to relax on "Pushing Daisies" (another show my daughter has gotten me watching).

But I'll bet it caught your eye, and made you read to the end.

FIVE GENERATIONS

A friend emailed this to me - isn't it cool?

HUNGER

This was posted on this blog as a thought question:

Indulge me for a second and consider this scenario:

Let's say you're given the opportunity to donate some money to a desperate family who would use it to feed their children

But you were only able to do so if you donated the same amount of money to someone you knew would use it to buy crack.

Would you do it?

I am pleased to report that the grand majority of the replies were yes, they would donate the money to the family.

However, this was one person's response:

I already donate to poor people - the government takes that from me via taxes. You know, the money tat goes to all those government programs that the bleeding heart liberals feel we need.You can take the crack addict out of the equation, I still wouldn't donate to the poor family.

(and yes, the misspelling is in the original)

Will you forgive me for getting on my soap-box again?

Leaving politics and name-calling and the government completely out of this, I have to say only ONE thing:

This person has never been and has never seen her children hungry. I mean, REAL hunger; not where a meal would be nice, or doesn't that sound good, oh, I'm just so hungry - but there is NOTHING, really NOTHING in your cupboard and your children are crying and you would do just about ANYTHING to feed them.

I've never been starving. But I have lived not knowing where my next meal was coming from. And I cannot imagine coping with that if my children were involved.

Thank you. I feel much better.

ZEN

The fact is, the universe has chosen you as the vehicle through which to experience the uncanny thrill of cutting up cabbage for dinner, the wonder that is inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide, the fabulous spectacle of watching your clothes dry at a coin-up Laundromat where the radio is stuck on an E-Z listening station and an old lady keeps staring at you for no discernible reason. The universe has demanded that you be you. Ain't no avoidin' it.

-- - Brad Warner

LIGHTING A CANDLE

Cultural expressions sometimes are difficult to explain. So much of it is the time and season of when the phrase originated - imagine how "that's what she said" will sound in twenty-five years.

I can think of the Mormon sayings that confused the heck out of me when I first joined the church - green jello with carrots (it sounded like a Martian dessert), funeral potatoes ( ), stake center (I heard 'steak' center), 'sweet spirit and burning testimony', 'bearing your testimony' (still sounds like buryin' to me and a bunch of toddlers), why a Mormon bishop had a wife (vs. Catholic bishop), and Beehives, Laurels, Mia Maids, CTRs, etc.etc.etc.

So a Catholic would understand one thing by the title of this particular blog, but to the rest of you, it's cool enough this evening that I HAVE lighted several candles just for the great scent.

SMELLING LIKE A WET DOG

I love my dog. I want to give a talk in church about Christ-like attributes, and I would be able to talk for 15 to 20 minutes about Murray. How he loves unconditionally, how he always forgives me, how he would do ANYTHING for me, how he always is willing to go the extra mile.

Today, he proved it once again. I took him to, I kid you not, a "Laundro-Mutt." It's a set-up with steps up to a bath-tub, a sprayer, shampoo, lotion, towels, TWO blow-dryers, hooks all over the place to clip the animal to - it was amazing. Especially since it cost only $15 for unlimited time.

When I got home late Tuesday (gosh, Tuesday? Seems like a couple of years ago), Murray was scratching his fur out in big clumps, and his skin was all red and inflamed looking. Turning immediately to an expert source, I googled "dog skin red itch," and the first logical suggestion (after dog porn, using dogs as drug mules, and how a wet dog smells) was to give the dog a bath; if that doesn't help, then take him to the vet.

So... for the low price of $15, I became soaked, covered with dog hair, shampoo, conditioner, and my hair blown-dried straight up.

And Murray - he forgave me. Isn't he great?

ARIZONA TRIVIA

Did you know that:

- Arizona has a state reptile? (The Ridgenose Rattlesnake)

- The state flower of Arizona is a cactus?

- Arizona is the 6th largest state, and the 20th largest in population?

- Arizona was not admitted into the US until 1912?

- No one is entirely certain what the word "Arizona" actually means; it might be from the Aztec word "arizuma," (silver-bearing) or the Tohono O'odham "Aleh-zone" or Pima "Ali shonak" (both meaning small spring)?

- Sandra Day O'Conner, the first female Supreme Court judge, is from Arizona?

- If you are actually interested in any of this, you definitely need to get a life?