BUDDY CAN YOU SPARE A DIME?

I think everyone has a loose-change place.

Some times it's as obvious as an actual piggy bank, or you use an open jar on the kitchen counter.

For years I used the ash tray in my car, but newer cars don't even have them installed anymore.

Looking under every couch cushion in my house can haul in a couple of bucks. And whoever does the laundry (whomever?) in our house gets to keep whatever money comes loose in the washer or dryer

And about five years ago, I began keeping my quarters in a little ducky-thing, and everything else in a decorative bucket.

So about every six months, I empty it to get horse toys, complete useless office supply equipment that I have no need for or three days worth of extra-large Diet Cokes from Burger King.

Well, about a month ago, a couple days before pay-day, my husband moaned and groaned that he was broke, his car needed gas, oh-woe-is-me blah blah blah.

And without thinking, I said "Oh, I've got some spare change you could use."

Please note that I said SOME - not ALL.

He got $42 out of it.

I shouldn't still be mad about it, should I?

A MORAL CHOICE

I think of myself as an honest person.

I will return money I find - I'll give back extra change - I don't cheat at cards (I'm not clever enough to get away it) - and most of the time when I say I will do something, I will try to do it... at least until I can come up with a clever enough excuse to get out of it with some shred of dignity.

But when a check simply shows up in the mail, made out correctly to myself, from a medical office with which I am extremely well acquainted...

Well, what should I do with it?

Of course - deposit it but in a savings account - and then if it is demanded back, I'll at least have earned $.04 in interest.

Right?

LITTLE OLD LADY FROM PASADENA

It sounds awfully snobbish to casually mention the National Geographic as the only magazine I have around the house at the moment.

I love periodicals such as Family Circle, Good Housekeeping, Woman's Day.

However...

1) I am old/experienced enough to have WRITTEN most of the articles on cleaning techniques/family relationships/how to stay out of debt; and

2) all the cute fresh ideas they showcase for decorating/organizing require MONEY and a drive of 65 miles to a city large enough to have a IKEA, a real furniture store or fabric outside of what WalMart sells.

Of course I grab People, Star News and Cosmopolitan when I waiting at the dentists like everyone else - although once again there my age shows; I have absolutely no idea who half the young celebrities that are being gossiped about are.

The National Geographic keeps me tied to reality by its glorious photographs of gigantic wilderness, under-clothed and desperately hungry humans, and both the destruction of as well as the enlightened nurturing of fragile ecosystems and animals which I have never in my life heard of.

But I didn't begin this blog to be a free advertisement for the National Geographic.

I began this pulpit-pounding because MOST magazines (besides National Geographic) have ad after ad after ad depicting a lovely female face and emblazoned with New! Revitalizing! Nourishing! Restorative! Invigorating! to see their own patented -invented-discovered-in-the-Amazon-basin cream or injection or slimy gel to Reduce! Eliminate! Overcome! Conquer! any signs on aging which might show up on your face!

So for only $45 (a month for the rest of your mortal life), you too can eradicate any imprint which living a normal healthy life made have left on your complexion, such as laugh lines, crinkles around your eyes when you smile, age spots (which, as I have explained to my grandson, simply means that your freckles have become very friendly and joined forces) and/or (HEAVEN FORBID) LOOK YOUR ACTUAL BIOLOGICAL AGE.

Our American society seems obsessed with beauty as defined by youth, slenderness and facial symmetry, and allow the media to lead us in this fixation.

Now, I am one of the most crooked people in existence (wow, don't I sound like a gangster? Put a James Cagney accent right in there, and it's perfect). My right arm and right leg ares significantly longer than their partners on the left - my face was put on as random parts on the original Mr. Potato Head (which were the same plastic type pieces but to insert into an actual potato) - the only thing I can think of that isn't off is some manner is that my ears don't stick out (and heaven knows why, I kept my heavy hair behind my ears all my youth).

And I am perfectly happy with that. I am proud of the wrinkles around my eyes; maybe helped by the fact that I live in Arizona now and EVERYone has sun-squinty eyes after a few years here. I'd like to lose weight, I have an extra chin that I would be happy to lose, but I am okay with looking 54 years old.

Because I AM. I've EARNED these age symbols. I DON'T want them erased or blended or surgically removed.

And all these cosmetic creations, creams and concoctions irritate me much more than they should.

DON'T DENY YOUR AGE, American women!

ADDITION - Check out http://www.dove.us/#/features/videos/default.aspx[cp-documentid=7049579]/

ACCLC, CTUI, and JHGAY CERTIFIED

Some times I think I should be on the lecture circuit, and get PAID for all the advice I dole out on a daily or (dare I say it?) hourly basis.

I mean, people actually make a living from saying basically what I say on auto-pilot to my second daughter just about every day.

She and I sat at Denny's today for probably 45 minutes, while she ate a short stack of pancakes (infuriated, I must admit, since I refused to pay for a Grand-Slam-Cholesterol-Laden-Clog-Your-Arteries-In-Under-Five-Minutes combination of greasy meats, egg yolks and piles of carbohydrates with melted lard) and I gave her my standard pep talk.

You know the one - "Yes, you are having some problems now but if you keep pressing on and working the sun will come out and shine and angels will sing the Hallelujah chorus from Handel's 'Messiah' and Zac Efron will ask you out..."

Wait a minute - that was the talk she wanted me to give her.

No, I gave her my not-quote-memorized-but-close mom-encouragement think-positive good-attitude speech.

And about midway through it, I realized the man at the next table was actually listening.

He wasn't taking notes or anything, but he was paying attention.

I immediately thought, "Hey! If this was copyrighted, then I could charge him for the lecture!"

There are numerous websites about 'accredited' life-coach training, with wonderful wording - for example:

Today, coaching is a highly recognized and respected occupation, (however) since coaching is not counseling, social work, sports psychology or psychotherapy, there are no state or regional laws for "coaching" someone on important issues in their life. There is also no government-approved governing body for the coaching field. (In other words) you have complete freedom in selecting your specific training and how you develop your business and your career.

I think I've found my new career.

(And the acronyms in the blog title? "American Certified & Credible Life Coach","Completely under the Table and Unregulated Income", and "Just How Gullible Are You")